I Know He Cares!

Does Jesus care when I've said “goodbye”

To the dearest on earth to me,

And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks—

Is it aught to Him? Does He see?

One year ago today I said good-bye to the most important lady in my life, my mother. It was, for us, unexpected. (we had been told 2 days before there was nothing more they could do) My life as I knew if changed and would never be the same again. It seemed, for me, to be the end of my childhood. I no longer had a mom to cry to, call and talk on the phone to, clean and cook with, (we loved doing those things together) and probably our favorite shop with. It was gone in one day it was all gone. I had never in my life faced such pain and heartache.

However, while one part of my life was ending, another was just beginning. The journey of grief and healing. I am still on that journey and probably always will be until I see my mom again. However, what I have learned this year is this...

Oh, yes, He cares, I know He cares,

His heart is touched with my grief;

When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,

I know my Savior cares.

I have felt the love of my Jesus in a way that I have never felt before, I have felt the peace of my Savior like never before. God's Word has been the balm for my breaking heart. The promises I heard all my life I found to be true.

There are 2 verses which have comforted me so much, the first is:

 Joh 14:18  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. 

Jesus speaking to me, He my Lord and King, my Saviour, He will come to me. And guess what, He did.

The other verse is:

Psa 61:2  From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

The days when I felt that my heart would crush from pain, when my tears could not stop, when I picked up the phone before I remembered she would not answer, when I woke up only to remember she was a dream, when my kids would pray that their beloved Grammy could come back, when I need a recipe only my mom knew, when I needed to know what to do as a mom, when I needed my best girlfriend, when I was overwhelmed my Lord came to me and led me to a rock. A place of peace that only He could take me too, a place no body, no thing, no, therapy, no alcohol could take me too.

Yes, I wish I could hear her voice, give her one more hug, get mommy advice from her, just hang with her, go shopping with her, tell her one more time "I love you." I wish she could have seen us make it to the mission field, I wish she could have seen her granddaughter, Alexae Jeann. (born 8 weeks after she went to heaven) However, I do not wish her back, and she would not want to come back.
So, I will keep on going, day by day. I will be the best mom I can, because I had a great teacher. I will live the Christian life the way she trained me too, and I will do my best to honor my mom with my life, and I will see her again. I love you mom!!